My blog has been empty for several months...for several reasons.
First, I have felt exhausted.
Coping with an Asperger's teenager has been an everyday struggle just to survive and for us to make it through the day.
Second, my faith is hanging by threads.
This dark night of the soul really sucks.
Finally, the horror of Newtown...words cannot convey...
Meanwhile, I have felt guilty, as the end of 2012 has come and 2013 begun...with me at age 65 and no words of wisdom to share! Does the ego ever give up??
Whatever...I must share that this morning I read the following Advent Opinion on the Religious Herald website's Perspective section from Rev. Daniel E. Glaze (Pastor, First Baptist Church, Ahoskie, NC and posted 12/18/12 after the Newtown massacre):
"Joy comes from knowing that evil will not prevail for long. One day Jesus will return and set everything right."
Aha!! There is my problem. I want to believe that; I used to believe that; but I don't believe it any more!
Having just read the Bible through in 2012 with Eugene Peterson's The Message version, I have to conclude that Judaism was correct in rejecting Jesus as the Messiah: he did not fulfill the expectations described in the Hebrew scriptures. And the Christian scriptures pointing to a "Second Coming" of the Christ (Messiah) are attempts to offer hope and explain why Jesus did not fulfill the work of the Messiah the first time. Moreover,
Paul was clearly looking for Jesus to return any day, and John's Revelation was written to encourage those early Christians to hang in there TIL JESUS COMES! But for me, reading Revelation in The Message at the end of 2012 was just disgusting!!
So I have ended 2012 with no great wisdom, and the best I can do as I enter this new year is to raise questions:
How long will evil prevail?
What if the calvary (Jesus) is not coming?
Can everything be set right? What does that mean? How can Newtown be "set right?"
If it is to be, is it up to me?
[G-d help us!]
Meanwhile, there is still a part of me that believes "it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
(I just hope the flame from that candle does not burn out my last thread of faith!)