I just realized that 2018 is coming to an end with my blog empty of any new entries for the year.
It strikes me symbolic of the year that I have had.
My family has kept the "healthcare industry" in business--no need for details--and keeping up with all the appointments, etc., has been a weary journey.
My year has been one of emptying and letting go...some of it intentional; much imposed by life.
Perhaps the fact that I just traded in our 2009 Chrysler van last week has brought the reality of letting go home. The fact that one has been attached to a physical object does not seem very "spiritual" but letting go of the familiar is not easy, as we are "hard-wired" to resist change.
The worship leader at church yesterday suggested we turn the light on in our soul room before he read the scripture. Our pastor later took a "time-out" to write that phrase down as he said he had not heard it before (nor had I.) As I contemplated that phrase later in the day, I realized that there have been days this past year when I've had difficulty finding my soul room, and others when I could not find the switch to turn the light on.
At other times, I've been aware of the need to "re-boot" my faith--as I've tried to identify childhood and superstitious beliefs from my fundamentalist childhood...and let them go. Duke Divinity School professor Kate Bowler's book "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON and Other Lies I've Loved" points to the struggle in this process.
Our pastor's sermon yesterday was entitled: "Searching for Jesus."
Since then, I've come to recall what my congregation at First Baptist in Lynchburg called the "Jesus window" -- a stained glass reproduction of Holman Hunt's painting "The Light of the World." that towered behind and above the chancel, with Jesus holding a lantern and knocking at the door ( Rev. 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in and sup...") I used to tease that no matter how sorry a sermon I might have delivered that morning, that window "preached" the gospel message loud and clear!
Despite all my questions and uncertainty about what I actually believe, my patchworkquilt spirituality has that picture at its center, as I do believe that the divine never tires in her search for each of us.
